It is a rare person that is not afraid of death. Taoism teaches that we should not worry about an afterlife and take each moment as it comes with as little expectation and judgment as we can. At least, that’s how I’ve taken Dylan’s explanation of the religion. And yet, who has not wondered about the end? So often, as we are stuck in the daily grind and the days seem to wear on forever, it is hard to believe that these days that we so often count and wish away are limited.
I have never been as concerned with my own death as I have those of my loved ones. I have lost a few dear people in my life, and the idea of losing anymore leaves me with insurmountable dread and preemptive grief. I even cling to my little cats as surrogate children and wonder how I will ever be able to let them go when the time comes. For the most part, I choose to bury my head in the sand and not contemplate this particular inevitability of life. How could I function if I did not?
I have recently been confronted with reality, though somewhat remotely. My brother’s father-in-law (Rebekah’s father) has been diagnosed with a rare form of cancer, sending Matt and Rebekah into a tailspin. I received the news last night and seem to have finally digested it after reading my brother’s blog post this morning. I have met my brother’s father-in-law, Merlyn, a couple of times and found him to be a nice man, however, my knowledge of him ends there. And yet, reading my brother’s blog this morning has left me devastated. As I tried to leave a comment, something to let him know how deeply sorry I was, I could not find adequate words. I feel helpless to lend comfort or a solution….anything. I think this is why most of us fear death the way we do. Even the most laid-back of us likes to be in control of our lives to some extent, whether we realize it or not and dying is one of the few aspects we exert no control over.
At this point, I can only express my regret that Matt and Rebekah must face the grief that has found them. One of my heroes, a college professor that was truly compassionate and wise, often told me that “We live in hope”, and I will leave the post at that thought.